Warriors Triumphed despite Loss in Instrospective Bean Town

Boston, Nov 18th, 2009
PCNN Wire Service


Despite running empty on a back to back set, playing in Cleveland the night before, Golden State Warriors put up a valiant effort against the Celtics for 3 quarters before finally losing 87 to 220, thousand. The Warriors are battling with half its roster besieged by injuries, including point guard Watson's latest bout with the swine flu. He was advised to wear the customary pig mask and stay in row 12, directly in front of the Free Tibet demonstrators, who traveled with the team as part of the promotional effort by management to tap into the Chinese market.

With 7 healthy bodies, featuring courageous Bell, who is playing with a broken left wrist scheduled for operation the next morning, Warriors maintained its frantic pace offensively. Celtics were pleasantly pestered by these 7 little skinny black kids, none older than 24, running around, before finally putting the Warriors out of their misery with 10 minutes left in the game. A typical Warriors classic: no defense was played.

Warriors' captain Ellis showcased his lightening speed and incredible athleticism, playing one-on-one basketball, while his teammates stood around and ogled at the cheerleaders and sideline reporters.

The Garden crowd began amusing itself midway through third quarter by manufacturing waves: balcony vs the expensive seats. After 20 minutes of cheering and jeering each section, the waves finally took shape into its regular tsunami strength. For that, the crowd left the game delirious, 6 minutes before the final buzzer.

Garbage time began with 4 white players checking in for the Celtics, one spotting fiery red hair and skinny legs. The remaining drunk crowd cheered him on with unconditional passion, like one of their own mutated cousins.

Warriors, unfortunately, had an empty bench and tried to restrain its equipment manager Sal from entering the game. This would have violated NBA's mercy rule 32.173: no league personnel over the age of 77, shall play on the court at anytime; unless you are the referee, in which case, the age limit is raised to 97. Though they're encouraged to bring their blind poking walking sticks and pristine white shoes.

Quoting 49ers' coach Singletary, "there is no such thing as a moral victory", playing with 7 broken and over-matched malnutrition players against Celtics' east coast tough-ass 14, Warriors have demonstrated incredible resolve and courage against the former World Champ, who walked over to the Garden after a big Italian meal from North End, the tourist hot spot, 5 minutes before game time.

To boot, Warriors have earned the admiration and respect of the knowledgeable Garden crowd when the buzzer mercifully sounded at the end; a crowd of 7, who went back to the arena looking for their lost keys.


Reporting live, this is Choupier with his anal annual (that's once a year) Warriors beat at the vibrant Garden in Boston. Back to you, surfing fans!


* all facts are real, except the punch lines