The Business of Movies: Case 2012

Well, as you all know: I "think" aloud, "hmmm, I wonder..." about every 2.7 seconds; just a little more than my usual "thinking about sex" every 6 seconds, I got curious:

Is the movie 2012, really good, or bad with such B-list cast? What does "entertaining" really mean to future of such movies (enough $$ to make them mutational-able)?

In an MBA sense:

http://boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=2012.htm


$200 million to make,
Domestic crowd likes it enough in 10 days, but guess what the rest of the world think?

$341 Million already!!!

That's $141 million profit, 70% return! Outside the U.S. alone!


Shows you when they make movies that truly affects everyone, touching our soul, and every fabric of our lives, it resonates! Plus it's based on a true story--only names of characters have been changed to protect, uh, the Chinese soldiers! Who even speak like Hong Kong actors to conceal their Chinese-ness.


Secret sauce: kill as many people as you can, in as many places (or the vast ocean) as you can, leave few survivors, with simple names to pronounce. The last thing you want audience to do, is to mentally pronounce Dr. Satnam Tsurutani 90 minutes into your movie.

Titanic did it ! ($1.8 billion, cost the same $200 million to make as 2012)
Even the Bible did it! (Its all-time classic: Adventures of Noah's Lost Ark)
Any monkey can do it!


In a somewhat related story: Mamma Mia made 76% ($466M) of its money overseas, all for a low low price of $52 million to take Streep and friends, to some stupid over baked Greek Island that forgot to take down its Christmas lights, dangling on malnutrition olive trees. And we had to listen to ex-007 sing karaoke (pause for vomit); what a bargain!

Warriors Triumphed despite Loss in Instrospective Bean Town

Boston, Nov 18th, 2009
PCNN Wire Service


Despite running empty on a back to back set, playing in Cleveland the night before, Golden State Warriors put up a valiant effort against the Celtics for 3 quarters before finally losing 87 to 220, thousand. The Warriors are battling with half its roster besieged by injuries, including point guard Watson's latest bout with the swine flu. He was advised to wear the customary pig mask and stay in row 12, directly in front of the Free Tibet demonstrators, who traveled with the team as part of the promotional effort by management to tap into the Chinese market.

With 7 healthy bodies, featuring courageous Bell, who is playing with a broken left wrist scheduled for operation the next morning, Warriors maintained its frantic pace offensively. Celtics were pleasantly pestered by these 7 little skinny black kids, none older than 24, running around, before finally putting the Warriors out of their misery with 10 minutes left in the game. A typical Warriors classic: no defense was played.

Warriors' captain Ellis showcased his lightening speed and incredible athleticism, playing one-on-one basketball, while his teammates stood around and ogled at the cheerleaders and sideline reporters.

The Garden crowd began amusing itself midway through third quarter by manufacturing waves: balcony vs the expensive seats. After 20 minutes of cheering and jeering each section, the waves finally took shape into its regular tsunami strength. For that, the crowd left the game delirious, 6 minutes before the final buzzer.

Garbage time began with 4 white players checking in for the Celtics, one spotting fiery red hair and skinny legs. The remaining drunk crowd cheered him on with unconditional passion, like one of their own mutated cousins.

Warriors, unfortunately, had an empty bench and tried to restrain its equipment manager Sal from entering the game. This would have violated NBA's mercy rule 32.173: no league personnel over the age of 77, shall play on the court at anytime; unless you are the referee, in which case, the age limit is raised to 97. Though they're encouraged to bring their blind poking walking sticks and pristine white shoes.

Quoting 49ers' coach Singletary, "there is no such thing as a moral victory", playing with 7 broken and over-matched malnutrition players against Celtics' east coast tough-ass 14, Warriors have demonstrated incredible resolve and courage against the former World Champ, who walked over to the Garden after a big Italian meal from North End, the tourist hot spot, 5 minutes before game time.

To boot, Warriors have earned the admiration and respect of the knowledgeable Garden crowd when the buzzer mercifully sounded at the end; a crowd of 7, who went back to the arena looking for their lost keys.


Reporting live, this is Choupier with his anal annual (that's once a year) Warriors beat at the vibrant Garden in Boston. Back to you, surfing fans!


* all facts are real, except the punch lines